Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings.”
Chris Voss
Never split the difference summary
Never Split the Difference, New York Times bestseller by retired FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss, with journalist Tahl Raz. It’s a negotiation masterclass based on high-stakes FBI cases, translated into practical use for business and life.
key principles of the book never split the difference summary
1. Tactical Empathy: Understand the emotions and perspective of the other person—not to agree, but to better influence them.2. Mirroring. Repeat the last few words your counterpart says in a questioning tone to build rapport and encourage them to elaborate. Example:
Them: “We’re just not comfortable with that offer.”
You: “Not comfortable with that offer?”
3. Labeling: Label and validate the other person’s emotions in order to prove you get it and diffuse tension. “It looks like you’re worried about the deadline.”
4. “No” oriented questions: Rather than insisting on “yes,” frame questions that solicit a no, which ends up making folks feel safer and more empowered. “Would it be stupid to think that?
5. Accusation Audit: Spell out the bad things the other person can say about you before they are able to mention them—this takes the wind out of their sails. “You’re likely thinking that I’m attempting to force you into…”
6. The 7-38-55 Rule: 7% of what we say is words, 38% is tone, and 55% is body language. Tone of voice is very important.
7. The Late-Night FM DJ Voice
Speak slowly and calmly—like a smooth DJ—to soothe the other person and encourage cooperation.
8. “That’s right”: Your goal in negotiation is to get the other party to say “That’s right”, not “you’re right.” The former means they feel understood.
Never Split the Difference Details
| Title | Never Split the Difference |
| Author | Chris Voss |
| Publishing Date | May 17, 2016 |
| Genre | Business, Nonfiction,, Self Help, Psychology, Communication, Audiobook, Personal Development |
| Rating | 4/5n |
Never Split the Difference FAQs
Never Split the Difference is not just about negotiation in the boardroom or over large transactions. It is about negotiating every day, from asking for a raise to trying to get something for less, to navigating an awkward conversation with someone.
The author, Chris Voss, was the lead international hostage negotiator for the FBI. He dealt with terrorists, kidnappers, and criminals in life-or-death situations—and realized that the techniques he used could work just as well in regular conversations.
It is 16+ book. It dives deep into psychology and communication, but it’s presented in a super compelling, story-based manner. Chris Voss presents actual FBI negotiation cases that make it more of a thriller than a textbook.
Chris Voss, the ex-FBI hostage negotiator, authors books mostly on business strategy and negotiation. His top-rated book is “Never Split the Difference” based on his experience in dealing with high-level negotiations. Books tend to present real-world practical tips and methodologies for effective communication and desired result in different areas of life such as business or personal interactions. He has written 34 highly rated books.
